My hockey career peaked when I made the junior varsity team in college. Any scouting report on me it would have noted: “He’s slow but he’s small.”  A teammate once complimented the hang time on my slapshot. In other words, this is really not about my hockey career.

During my freshman year I was involved in a scuffle that wasn’t really a fight, but which irritated the referee enough to toss me and a player from the other team out of the game. Tim McNeill, our coach, had an iron-clad rule that any player who was thrown out of a game would also be suspended for the next game.

Our parents didn’t know this at a time, but they were very fortunate to trust their freshman sons to the guidance of Tim McNeill. He expected us to respect the game, each other and our school. He expected us to hustle and to play hard, but within the rules. After the first taste of extended life away from home for most of us, by Thanksgiving it was time for “that turkey trim” – no hair could extend below the backs of our helmets. Coach had his rules, and if you broke his rules, there were consequences.

Any infraction serious enough to get thrown out of a game was an especially egregious breach of coach’s rules and expectations. I knew he wouldn’t change his mind about my punishment, but I felt I owed him an apology. 

When I stopped by his office the next day, Coach McNeill appreciated my remorse. I thought I’d make a quick escape, but as I was about to leave he said something that surprised me and moved me and has stuck with me for the forty-five years that have passed since then. “Instead of apologizing when you make a bad decision, try doing things that you won’t have to apologize for.”

Anyone who knows me can tell you I dare not claim perfect adherence to Coach McNeill’s advice, but his guidance resonates on a regular basis, and it has helped shape my life.

I was very fortunate to run into Coach McNeill a couple of years ago and to have the opportunity to tell him that I never forgot his message, and how much his guidance has impacted my life. He was genuinely appreciative and when he saw me the next night he asked me to do one thing … if I ever had a chance to share his advice with others, to please pass it forward.

For Coach Tim McNeill in South Bend, IN, as ever … thank you.